2. The feedback I received was centered around the delivery of my pitch. I was advised to be more lively and less monotone. I am struggling with this part of the pitch because it just feels weird to be talking to a camera and I find it hard to show that type of emotion unless I'm actually talking to a person. One commenter also suggested that I include a hook in my pitch.
3. When trying to incorporate my feedback, I attempted to be more lively in front of the camera, but I'm not sure if I improved that much to be honest. I also added a hook, which I believe makes my pitch more appealing from the start.
Hey Jake, great job on your blog post! I really enjoyed listening to your third elevator pitch. I agree, it can feel awkward and unnatural to stand in front of a camera and talk about yourself. I admire the effort you made to improve! I had a hard time with this at first, so I had my friend stand behind the camera so I was essentially pitching to her. Just a suggestion that might make you feel more comfortable. I also liked that you added a hook; you're right that this helps capture interest right from the start. Best of luck with your venture!
ReplyDeleteIf you would like to check out my third attempt at an elevator pitch, you can find it by following this link: http://entrepreneurshipbyisa.blogspot.com/2016/03/elevator-pitch-no-3-week-10.html
Jake,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a really good job at acknowledging your mishaps and fixing them for this elevator pitch. I liked your delivery and I feel like your hook was engaging and you looked very professional. I would maybe try to look back at different feedback and utilize even more in order to perfect your product idea. However, I think you have a really cool concept on your hands! Please take a second and check out my pitch! Thanks, http://ufentlaurenday.blogspot.com/2016/03/growing-my-social-capital.html
Jake,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a great job. The only thing that is missing is to be relate more to the audience. Create a problem that can be solved by using your service. For example, I would say Do you think your aren't tall enough, fast enough, athletic enough or think that you are not good enough to play sports? Well I have the solution for you. That should help you abit.
Thank you, and you should check out my blog at
http://jazzybiz.blogspot.com/2016/03/growing-my-social-capital.html