2) The best feedback I received advised me to improve my hand gestures and body language. She said she loved my idea to but in order to truly sell it, I need to incorporate more lively hand gestures to convey my passion. I was surprised when my other commenter suggested I take my idea and use it to help kids in low-income areas as well. While most couldn't afford the service, maybe I could put on a low-cost or free clinic for kids in low-income areas. This would definitely boost my companies image in local communities.
3) I didn't really change my pitch other than to expand on some of my marketing and targeting strategies. Most of the feedback I've received has shown me that my idea is simple and doesn't need much tweaking to be effective. I did attempt to include better gestures but I find it tough to do that when talking to a camera because it feels awkward and unnatural.
Jake,
ReplyDeleteI really like your concept! I think that it is creative and shows that you were definitely thinking outside of the box when you recognized this need in the community. I also like your commenter's suggestion to tweak the program to make it available for kids in poor areas - it is such a shame when kids have so much talent but never get to reach their full potential due to circumstances outside of their control. Overall great pitch!
If you would like to check out my pitch as well, here is the link to my post: http://marissaent3003.blogspot.com/2016/02/elevator-pitch-no-2-2-bus-y-4-u.html
Best of luck!
Marissa
Great job! Keep up the good work! You're super diligent about doing all the assignments, and all of your effort is really showing.
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ReplyDeleteJake, I think this is a great idea! I think this is a very unique idea that would have a very positive impact in the community. Your pitch was great, very to the point. My only suggestion would be to maybe just talk about it more rather than having it seem so scripted.
ReplyDeletecheck out mine:http://andiev.blogspot.com/2016/02/elevator-pitch-no-2.html
Very nice idea, Jake! I really liked how you indicated all of the ways that you would market it in your video. I sure do hope that such a business concept does get the opportunity to be put in to play one day, and help many young people who are looking to get in to sports. http://minaaomar.blogspot.com/2016/02/elevator-pitch-no-2.html
ReplyDeleteHey Jake! I like your idea and think it could be used to change some peoples lives. My only suggestions would be a better hook in the beginning and to speak more fluidly because right now it sounds a little monotone and like you’re reading it off your screen. I’ve found that memorizing the pitch helps to make it more fluid so that’s just something you could try before the next pitch. Here’s a link to check out how my second pitch went: http://cxgoss.blogspot.com/2016/02/elevator-pitch-no-2.html
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